A Final Goodbye
March 2, 2008 at 5:08 pm | Personal | No comment
The time had come; I’d said a hasty goodbye to the people at work and rushed home to see Kim before I left.
When I got in Kim seemed to be in surprisingly high spirits, after helping me pack my final effects we got stuck into something more wholesome.
A couple of hours later my dad pulled up into the drive (not really the romantic exit I’d imagined on my wheeled horse) and I threw my stuff in to his car.
I went back inside for the last time to say goodbye to Kim, our embrace lingered, each fleeting second delaying the inevitable departure and intensifying the emotions.
My shoulder was wet, she’d started welling up and I was not far behind.
“Goodbye Kim, I have to go.” I tried to sound comforting through my deep ragged breaths.
“No! You don’t have to; you can change your mind.” She clenched my hand tighter.
“I’ve got to Kim, I have to go.” I started pulling away.
As I made my way to the door Kim kept clutching my hand, resisting my movement, repeating over and over that I could change my mind and stay.
It seemed to take all my strength to take my hand from hers; I opened the door and walked backwards to the car, tears streaming down my face.
She pressed her nose up against the window and watched the car pull out of the drive; I waved a final goodbye and we were out of sight.
My phone rang moments later “Kim” it declared in its demanding tone, I waited for the ringing to stop and shut it off.
I turned it back on when we arrived in Newbury, I was bombarded with missed calls and texts, apparently I’d left something behind, but I couldn’t go back, I couldn’t leave her again.
I responded to her texts and even spoke on MSN for a while, but the theme was always the same, her asking me to visit, me saying no.
In reality there was nothing I’d have liked better than to go back to her and make it all better, but I’d made a promise to myself, I had to fulfil my dream.
The next day I explained to Kim that I wasn’t going to reply to her texts or emails any more, I had only replied before because ignoring her felt cowardly, but talking to her solved nothing and simply prevented her from moving on.
She claims I used her, she accuses me of leaving her for another woman, if these accusations are what I have to suffer to allow her to move on, so be it.
Now all I need to do is move on myself…